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I’m The Mother Flippin’ Ali D…

27.07.09

So yet again our dear Chancellor is set to meet with the major lenders and give them a smacked bottom and ten minutes on the naughty step for not lending enough to consumers and businesses. Where they are lending, they are getting shouted at for charging much too much.

The Chancellor is looking really mean and determined this time, and I reckon Ali D will be giving it to them both barrels like a streetwise, no nonsense gangster rapper.

As I am obsessed with the brilliant Flight of The Conchords at the moment I thought it may go something like :-

I’m the mother flippin’
High Chancellor, I ain’t kidding ya
I’m here to get banks to lend more to ya
I ain’t flippin around this time
Y’all better heed my rhyme

When times were good you got too greedy
With your CDO’s you screwed the needy
You gave ‘em loans they couldn’t afford
And put idiots on your boards

So I’m here to make you pay for your crimes
Don’t mess with me, ‘cos if you cross the line,
I’ll do stuff you can’t erase,
Like when I put Gordo in his place.

I’ll regulate you to the max
On your bonuses I’ll hike your tax
Don’t give me shi about the cost of funds
We just bailed you out with cash by the tonnes  – (it’s hard to rhyme funds!)

So tell me straight, don’t be sittin’ on fences
I didn’t get where I am by fiddling expenses
How much you gonna lend today
D’ont make me take my ball away

I ain’t in to cussin’ or making a fuss
But you mother flippers better get on my bus
‘Cos I ain’t stopping, well, at least ‘till the election
All this power gives me an erection

I’m the mother flippin Ali D – yeh you know me (repeat to fade)

Faced with that I am sure the banks would of course respond by doing the Chancellors bidding.

Alternatively, they will reply to the tune of Rappers Delight in a Sugerhill Gang kinda way, but I’ll leave that one to you.

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Andrew Montlake

Written by Andrew Montlake

Andrew Montlake, better known as Monty, began his journey with an Hons degree in Economics & Politics before starting in the mortgage industry in February 1994. As a main founder of Coreco in 2009, he successfully grew the brand, marketing, and communications, and was made MD in 2019 focussing on the overall vision, strategy, and culture of the company. As Coreco’s media spokesperson, Andrew can often be seen or heard on TV and radio as well as regularly commenting in the national, local, and trade press. He is the author of this acclaimed Mortgage Blog and is well-known for his social media, podcasts, and public speaking. Andrew is now proud to serve as Chairman of the Association of Mortgage Intermediaries, (AMI) as a cheerleader for the Mortgage Industry as a whole and continues to work at the coal face, writing mortgage business and advising clients.

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